Tag: grief
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Missing Dad – it’s the little things
I didn’t expect this, my third Father’s Day without him, to hurt as much as it did.
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Shared grief
I cried when I heard the news. It arrived, like most of what I consume in the moment: via Twitter. After I finished saying aloud “No!” I turned to Google. There were no new results in the News tab and I hoped against hope that someone had jumped the gun and gotten things mixed up. But…
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All these terrible anniversaries
I knew to dread Christmas. Because obviously, Mom and my first Christmas without Dad would be hard. My body created a buffer of sorts: I was sick in bed with bronchitis for three days beginning Christmas Eve, leaving Mom to fend for herself. I was so ill I couldn’t even feel guilty until later. I…
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The monster in me
My mother is crying. I am sitting with my arms around her in a gesture meant to comfort, but it’s a perfunctory effort. My arms may as well be made of wood, and my heart, of stone. It’s February and we are in Florida, attempting to celebrate my mother’s first birthday without Dad. Mom is…
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Grief in all its miserable forms
When I make the trip home to Pennsylvania, I am inevitably drawn to my late father’s closet. I stick my entire face into his clothes hanging there and breathe, hoping to catch a trace of him and to feel close. I run my fingers over his button down shirts – one crisp white with a…
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The trouble of an idle mind
My plane landed early at JFK Tuesday night, but a hiccup with the equipment meant that we didn’t disembark until well after 11 pm. While we waited for a tow, my mind wandered. My phone was dead. Without email, texts, Twitter and Words with Friends, my thoughts were all I had. And they quickly turned sad…
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Dear Dad
Dear Dad, This will be my first birthday without you. You always sent me a sweet card in the mail and called to sing me the birthday song first thing in the morning. How I will miss that. When I think about you that way, my heart aches. It’s better if I try to think…
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Into the woods
It’s really hard to hate a tree. I thought I would hate this tree I know because I tried. But as I stood in front of the beautiful cherry tree my father used to climb to hunt deer and otherwise be among nature, I couldn’t find it in my heart to hold a grudge.…
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Learning through grief
Tomorrow will mark one month since my dear, sweet, wonderful Dad died. I’m doing OK, but it still sucks. I still cry. I still feel sad and awful and shocked that the world keeps turning without Dad present. But I am also starting to manage to not cry every time I see a pic of Dad…
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My first post about Life After Dad
My worst fears came true: my sweet, kind gentleman of a Dad died on Friday, July 17. I have so many thoughts and feelings on this sad time, but need a little time to pull myself together and get my life back in order. Dad spent most of the last five weeks of his life in a Philadelphia…
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